Once upon a time, I really wanted to get into design.

Half of it was to learn how to make something other people could enjoy.

The other half was to learn how to make a lot of money with little effort. (Flappy Bird was big at the time.)

Why couldn’t I think of this…

I got a chance to interview for a design team at my company, and during the days leading up to the interview, my brain tried to imagine every conversation that would happen.

“If they say this, then I’ll say this.

And then they’ll probably say this, so I’ll say this.

And then they’ll say…

So then I’ll say…”

This led to a couple problems:

1. I’d imagine these conversations during the workday. Instead of working on my work stuff, I’d end up lost in thought, my numbers dropping and the quality of my work declining.
2. The conversations I imagined in my head were nowhere near what would happen during the actual conversations AND would eventually distract me when I got to the real interview. Looking back, the number of things that I imagined correctly was probably less than 1% accurate, while the rest of conversation went in some other direction.

During the interview, I tried to force my answers into the conversation (unnaturally), even when the answer didn’t fit the question. OR, I’d fumble the answer after trying to pay attention to the conversation and remember my rehearsed answers at the same time.

“I want to be part of this team because I want to be part of the company’s next big thing and…uh…that’s why I want to be part of this team…?”

Disaster.

I didn’t get that job, I didn’t take it well, and in the days after, I’d spend tons of time and energy replaying conversations in my head, thinking about what I could have or should have done differently.

“Why did I say it that way…

He must think I’m a horrible person…

I wasn’t being genuine, was I..?

Does he know..? He must know. I have to send him an email and apologize.”

True story. I sent him an email to apologize about how disingenuous I was, and the guy had no idea what I was talking about — a real case scenario of me sabotaging myself with my own thoughts.

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We think tons of thoughts everyday. Some of them are useful, but many of them aren’t.

“This guy must be an idiot.”

“That girl must hate me.”

“I’ll never be as good as that guy. Why try?”

These thoughts go on and on until we’re deep in a rabbit hole, imagining the worst possible scenarios without even realizing it.

The scenarios can drain our energy and sap our attention. A full day of worrying is tiring!

The good news: you don’t have to be a slave to the thoughts running through your mind. It’s possible to train ourselves out of this habitual way of thinking.  You just need the right approach.

This short guide will train you how to manage your thoughts so that you can notice when your mind has been distracted by unnecessary thoughts and stories so that you can bring your attention back to focusing on the things that really matter. 

The applications are wide, and the method is simple, but it’s not necessarily easy.

I’ve designed the learning experience to take as little time as possible to make it easier for you to integrate the techniques into your own busy life.

Ain’t nobody got time to fit in another workout routine, I get it.

So, let’s go.

We start with baby steps.

EXP001: Using Meditation to Improve Focus

This walkthrough is useful for anyone who:

• Wants to increase their ability to focus
• Wants a tool for spending less time in thinking/ruminating loops
• Wants to decrease how often they get distracted during the day

———–

Monday – Friday (each day)

Do the foundational practice each day

Apply it IRL (whenever you can)

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Step 1: Chill

First, find a quiet place, use this file, and relax for 2 minutes.

Good? Now, let’s get into theory.

T&A (Theory & Assumptions)

1. Distractions and thinking loops happen when our mind takes thoughts and gets lost in them, often without us even realizing. To train ourselves to overcome distractions and thinking loops, we have to train ourselves to observe them first.
2. Focus is a cognitive skill that’s as trainable as any physical skill. We just have to choose the right practice mechanisms. Focus comes down to 2 things.
   1. Focusing our attention onto 1 thing.
   2. Observing when we lose our focus (so that we can refocus).
3. The brain can’t hold its attention on two thought processes at the same time (ever try listening to two conversations at once?). So, as we train how to bring focus to an activity (by decreasing how much we get distracted), we’re also training a tool to worry/ruminate less on demand. Two skills for the price of one!

Step 2: Foundational practice

Here’s the basic loop.

1. See if you can observe the next thought that shows up in your mind.
2. As soon as you notice a big distracting thought entering your mind (like some story about the past or some conversation that might happen in the future), acknowledge it and give yourself a point (like “Ah, there’s a thought. 1!”), and then return your attention to watching for your next thought.

Do this for 10-15 points at the beginning of each day, and this will act as pushups for your mind.

Revisiting the 2 things that focus comes down to:

1. Focusing our attention onto 1 thing.
2. Observing when thoughts pull our focus (so that we can then refocus).

This pushup is the training for #2, so that we strengthen our ability to notice when we’ve become distracted. We’ll get to #1 later.

Step 3: Make it a habit

We aim to make this exercise a habit so that you can integrate it into your day.

1. Pick 3 things that happen each day pretty consistently for you, and we’ll use these activities to graft a new habit onto. 

Examples

After I brush my teeth…
Before I go to bed…
While I’m waiting in traffic…
After I pee…
During game loading…
The next time I’m waiting in line…
The next time I look at my phone…

2. Your new Tiny Habit over the next week: After I do [each of my 3 activities], I will bring my attention to my thoughts until I notice 1 thought entering my mind.

Each time you bring your attention to observing your thoughts, your brain drops everything for a brief moment and brings you back into the present.

Why does this work?

When you bring your attention onto an observational task (like observing your thoughts), your task positive network kicks in and your default mode network (the part of your brain that’s responsible for mental wandering) decreases in activity.

Less daydreaming = less distractions = more focus. (Bonus benefit: less worrying.)

The second benefit of observing thoughts is that if you can name the emotion that’s happening in your thoughts (“This is anger…” or “Ah there’s anxiety again…”), you also decrease the intensity of strong distracting emotions. This is a technique called affect labeling.

The challenge is remembering to use this technique when you’re in a ruminating, non-productive thinking mode.

Step 4: Apply it

With physical exercise, it’s easy to see the benefits in our day to day.

Do more pushups = get bigger arms = lift heavier things.

But how do we see the benefits of cognitive training in our day?

Use the training to make some difference in our life.

When I first learned how to speak Korean, I took an 8-week class for an hour a day. We learned tons of phrases and grammar. But when I finally visited Korea, I just ended up mumbling English words slowly while hoping the person would understand. 

“Uh…excuse me…bath…room…?”

I would have been fine skipping the class altogether.

When I learned Japanese, I “learned” a bunch of phrases again, but this time around, one particular phrase stuck.

“Excuse me, do you have an English menu?”

The reason why this phrase stuck? I had to use it over and over when I went to restaurants.

Application is important. And this is what many people forget to do with meditation.

They put in their 5 to 10 to 20 minutes a day, and then head off to the rest of their day, patting themselves on the back for a job well done. Then, when the time comes to test their practice (i.e. use it IRL), they go back to their old ways.

To make meditation useful in our lives, we have to apply it. It’s when we find a way to use it in our life that lets us know we’re on the right track.

For example, if you get lost daydreaming all the time (like while you’re driving, while you’re watching TV, or while you’re spending time with people), see if you can use this training to notice when you’re distracted and to then refocus on what’s in front of you.

Or, during your day, try catching yourself in a spiral of anxious or fearful thoughts and bring yourself back to focus. Maybe you’re worrying about how a presentation will go. Or maybe you’re worrying about that hard conversation you have to have sometime next week.

By noticing the thought in your mind and acknowledging it’s presence, you set yourself up to then make a conscious decision on either 1) to continue worrying or 2) to let go of the thought, come back to the present, and focus on what really matters.

The first step is becoming aware of whatever it is that’s pulling your attention.

This takes practice. It’s not easy. But when you do get it to “click,” you’ll find that letting go of old arguments, memories, and daydreams is not only easy, but maybe even liberating once you realize how much time and energy you used to waste.

To put this into a semi-formal exercise:

1. During the day, look for times when you notice yourself distracted or overwhelmed or your mind/thoughts wandering.
2. If you notice yourself wandering into unproductive thoughts, notice the thought, acknowledge where your mind wandered to, and then bring your attention back (gently, and without judging yourself) to whatever you need to be focusing on.

Each time you return from distraction, it’s like an arm curl or a rep for your brain, and over time, you’ll strengthen your ability to focus (or at the very least, recover from distracting thoughts).

That’s it!

Recap

1. Foundational Practice. Over the next week, whenever you do one of your 3 activities, bring the focus of your attention to your thoughts until you can catch ONE thought in your mind. When you do, notice it, acknowledge what the thought is about, and then return your attention to whatever you’re supposed to be focusing on.
2. Apply it. During the day, look for times when you notice yourself distracted or falling into unproductive thinking.  When you do, notice and acknowledge what the thought is about (“Ah, I’m replaying that embarrassing moment again…”), and then gently bring the focus of your attention back to whatever you’re working on.

As you practice this more and more, you’ll find it easier to refocus during the day, and your days will be less plagued by overwhelming moments and unnecessary thinking (assuming you can catch yourself when you’re lost in thought).

Next time, we’ll use this thought-noticing muscle to support a different method of training.

GL, and I’m here to answer any questions.

Extra credit

Just for fun. See what other types of unproductive thinking you can catch and knock yourself out of during the day. Examples: self-doubt, negativity, resentment, frustration, judgment.

Think. This training helps us practice 2 skills. What are they? Read back through and think about it. Really think! This will help not only with your retention but also with your understanding of the training.

Other for fun use cases. Focusing in long classes, meetings, or trainings. Notice the distracted mind, acknowledge the distraction, and then refocus. You’re there to pay attention, right?

Need help with accountability? Like for physical exercise, anyone can know how to do an exercise routine or go to the gym, but the challenge is often staying consistent. Use these tools if you think you’ll have trouble keeping yourself accountable.

• Calendar/scoreboard. A la Jerry Seinfeld’s method. Draw a 5 day grid on a piece of paper and put it somewhere visible. At the end of the day, mark whether you were able to catch yourself in an unproductive thought or daydream. Putting the scoreboard somewhere visible (like at your computer screen) gives you an easy reminder to do the practices throughout the day.

“People play differently when they’re keeping score.”

• Daily emails from me. Like having a personal trainer, it’s not knowing how to do the exercises that’s hard, it’s keeping consistent and accountable.  These emails would be me asking you very short questions that will also help remind you to practice. Email me at tam@thinkingpatterns.net if you want help with this.